Back at it again. Determined to make it work. Again. I feel like I finally have some sort of idea of how my life's schedule is going to be for a while, so that helps with trying to plan things around better decisions. I went to the gym today. My new year's resolution is not so much to lose a certain amount of weight or get down to a certain size. It's really more of I'm not going to let my gym membership be a $500 a year throw away that I use four times. I found the workout routine my brother made for me.
Today was chest. And it sucked. I walked around like an idiot trying to find the right machines for what was written down. Finally got everything done, and then was ten minutes into cardio when my sweet wonderful devil of a boyfriend texts me and asks if I want to go to Chuy's for lunch. Thus went the rest of my day.
I think I'm going to try the Fresh 20. I really do need someone to tell me what to buy and what to cook because that's just one place where I have no imagination. I can put cheese, meat, and bread together in about six different ways, but that gets old pretty quick. I like that they make your shopping list efficient for you. That way I don't buy a ton of something for one meal and then waste the rest because it goes bad before I can think of anything else to do with it.
Today was not good. But it's done, and I'm not going to beat myself up over it anymore. Tomorrow will be better.
Monday, January 20, 2014
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Logic, Frustration, and How the Hell??
Weight loss is not an overnight thing. I understand that. However, I
have zero patience with myself. So logic and frustration are ever at
odds. It's been bad this week. I'm trying to do what I can within the
limits of my financial and lifestyle situation, so progress is being
made. I just can't always see it. I get that. I was told last week that
I've got to stop being so mean to myself about it. But it's difficult to
be kind to one's self when it my mind and expectations operate like an
AP Calculus class and my body seems to be stuck in remedial basic math.
I'm just very tired of being discouraged.
Now here's the rest of what I didn't put on Facebook. I've been trying my ass off given the fact that I've been working 9:00pm to 5:30 am or more since Monday. I'm helping remodel a store. An Ulta. So not a little guy. I've been carrying shelves made out of heavy glass or awkward and heavy plastic. I've been doing 8 hours of squating, lifting, pulling, pushing, twisting around, and on my feet. Monday I actually went to the gym for a Zumba class before heading in, so I got a little cardio in. I can't remember what my feet or thighs feel like when they don't hurt.
Now diet. I knew I would be taking lunch break in the middle of the night in Plano...which means that NOTHING is open. And I'm really, actively not wanting fast food at the moment, so I stocked up on those Healthy Choice frozen dinners. I know, I know, I know. Sodium. But they were the best I could do given circumstances. I've had maybe two stops at fast food places this week. I discovered the joys of unsweetened flavored tea. I'm especially obsessed with this Lipton Dragonfruit, Acai, Melon one. So I've been drinking it non-stop. Lots of water while I'm working. I have had a soda here and there, but not the three a day habit I used to have by any means.
And I'm back to 209. I was down to 204 on Sunday.. How in the sweet loving HELL did that happen?? My measurements are the biggest they've ever been. (Although to be honest. I haven't measured myself since June before it got really bad). I realize it's a bad week for water retention, but I can't even wrap my head around the fact that since Sunday I've gained 5 pounds.
And in other news my brother lost 22 pounds in a month. Super happy for him. But at the same time it makes me feel completely lacking and worthless in what I'm working at.
I don't get it. I am genuinely disheartened, disappointed, and confused by all of this. I'm about to just sit down and cry.
Now here's the rest of what I didn't put on Facebook. I've been trying my ass off given the fact that I've been working 9:00pm to 5:30 am or more since Monday. I'm helping remodel a store. An Ulta. So not a little guy. I've been carrying shelves made out of heavy glass or awkward and heavy plastic. I've been doing 8 hours of squating, lifting, pulling, pushing, twisting around, and on my feet. Monday I actually went to the gym for a Zumba class before heading in, so I got a little cardio in. I can't remember what my feet or thighs feel like when they don't hurt.
Now diet. I knew I would be taking lunch break in the middle of the night in Plano...which means that NOTHING is open. And I'm really, actively not wanting fast food at the moment, so I stocked up on those Healthy Choice frozen dinners. I know, I know, I know. Sodium. But they were the best I could do given circumstances. I've had maybe two stops at fast food places this week. I discovered the joys of unsweetened flavored tea. I'm especially obsessed with this Lipton Dragonfruit, Acai, Melon one. So I've been drinking it non-stop. Lots of water while I'm working. I have had a soda here and there, but not the three a day habit I used to have by any means.
And I'm back to 209. I was down to 204 on Sunday.. How in the sweet loving HELL did that happen?? My measurements are the biggest they've ever been. (Although to be honest. I haven't measured myself since June before it got really bad). I realize it's a bad week for water retention, but I can't even wrap my head around the fact that since Sunday I've gained 5 pounds.
And in other news my brother lost 22 pounds in a month. Super happy for him. But at the same time it makes me feel completely lacking and worthless in what I'm working at.
I don't get it. I am genuinely disheartened, disappointed, and confused by all of this. I'm about to just sit down and cry.
Monday, July 16, 2012
The Mean Reds of Working Out
I'm in them. For sure. The Mean Reds. For those of you not familiar with the phrase, it's not all the dirty/disgusting things running through your head. It's a Breakfast at Tiffany's reference. The mean reds are worse than the blues.
I went to my Monday morning Zumba class, like I've been doing for a few weeks now (which in and of itself is an achievement for me). I couldn't keep up, which is normal. I looked like the dumb white girl who can't dance, which is normal. But for some reason today it got to me. The last five minutes of class it was all I could do not to burst into tears. I don't know if the instructor sensed it or was just in a silly mood, but she broke out into The Sprinkler during our cool down. Laughing, I made it through the end of class.
However, as I was walking out of the gym this giant weight of discouragement settled over me. This is why I quit. I look at the road ahead. Very seldom do I take a look behind me. But even the road behind isn't so great when I stop and think about it.
I got in the car just sat there for a minute thinking about who to call and ask what to do next. I'm always starving, and thought maybe a protein shake/smoothie/something would be a better idea than grabbing an egg mcmuffin from the drive thru. But what do I know? Then I realized I'd left my phone at home and was on my own. I turned the radio on and the first lyrics I heard were, "And so I tell myself that I'll be strong..." Ellie Goulding. Good song. It's a popular one that's always on, so I didn't think anything of it.
There's a smoothie joint that's just down the shopping center from the gym, so I scooted on down. I walked in, told the counter boy that I didn't know anything about any of this and that he was going to have to talk to me like a kindergartener. Yep. I was THAT cliche today. The girl that walks into a department store and goes, "I need some clothes." "What kind?" "Oh, I don't know. Whatever you think." Congratulations, Shanna on becoming the consumer you hate.
Feeling even lower than before I got back in the car and turned the radio on again. "Fighter." The new one, not the old Christina Aguilera version. Again, a popular song about to get overplayed, but poignant to my situation. Okay, now You have my attention. The next song was an older one in the same vein. I don't know what you believe, frankly I don't care, but I believe in God. I talk to Him all the time. He talks back...through the radio. He knows His child, and that's about the only way I listen. So it would seem that even He is rooting for me to suck it up and keep going.
Perseverance. That doesn't look like the right spelling even though there aren't any wiggly red lines under it, oh well. That is my goal for the week. Even though I feel like the lowest of the low right now.
I went to my Monday morning Zumba class, like I've been doing for a few weeks now (which in and of itself is an achievement for me). I couldn't keep up, which is normal. I looked like the dumb white girl who can't dance, which is normal. But for some reason today it got to me. The last five minutes of class it was all I could do not to burst into tears. I don't know if the instructor sensed it or was just in a silly mood, but she broke out into The Sprinkler during our cool down. Laughing, I made it through the end of class.
However, as I was walking out of the gym this giant weight of discouragement settled over me. This is why I quit. I look at the road ahead. Very seldom do I take a look behind me. But even the road behind isn't so great when I stop and think about it.
I got in the car just sat there for a minute thinking about who to call and ask what to do next. I'm always starving, and thought maybe a protein shake/smoothie/something would be a better idea than grabbing an egg mcmuffin from the drive thru. But what do I know? Then I realized I'd left my phone at home and was on my own. I turned the radio on and the first lyrics I heard were, "And so I tell myself that I'll be strong..." Ellie Goulding. Good song. It's a popular one that's always on, so I didn't think anything of it.
There's a smoothie joint that's just down the shopping center from the gym, so I scooted on down. I walked in, told the counter boy that I didn't know anything about any of this and that he was going to have to talk to me like a kindergartener. Yep. I was THAT cliche today. The girl that walks into a department store and goes, "I need some clothes." "What kind?" "Oh, I don't know. Whatever you think." Congratulations, Shanna on becoming the consumer you hate.
Feeling even lower than before I got back in the car and turned the radio on again. "Fighter." The new one, not the old Christina Aguilera version. Again, a popular song about to get overplayed, but poignant to my situation. Okay, now You have my attention. The next song was an older one in the same vein. I don't know what you believe, frankly I don't care, but I believe in God. I talk to Him all the time. He talks back...through the radio. He knows His child, and that's about the only way I listen. So it would seem that even He is rooting for me to suck it up and keep going.
Perseverance. That doesn't look like the right spelling even though there aren't any wiggly red lines under it, oh well. That is my goal for the week. Even though I feel like the lowest of the low right now.
Monday, July 2, 2012
Dominos
So I lost three pounds last week. Which would be well and good and all if I hadn't jumped up to 210 on the scale before that. I've been bad lately. Not in a tee hee naughty behind closed doors kind of way. Like in a not sleeping, eating too much to stay awake, drinking too much, not exercising enough kind of way.
There are rational explanations for all of this. I had a few back to back sewing projects to where I was working at least 18 hours a day. Because I was up longer, I was eating more and more carbs and starches to keep me up with sugar rushes. Then I also had a play I was working on...which means hanging out with actors (which I am as well). There was a saying I stumbled across in college that I thought summed things up well: The drinking department has a theatre problem. After weeks of being cooped up working all hours by myself I wanted nothing more than to get out and socialize. Which involves food. Which involves alcohol. At late hours that you have no chance of burning off all that you've consumed. Sleep became higher priority than working out. Then job searches became the priority. Then going out of town. You get the drift? Excuses, excuses, excuses.
Well, as I suspected, just a lifestyle change helped immensely. Going to bed and getting good, restful sleep. Cutting back on the fast food. Cutting out the sodas and back on the alcohol. Cutting out the entire extra meal I was eating most days. Working cardio back in. Three pounds in a week.
I managed to find a time at the pool the other day when there weren't a bunch of screaming children (although I did have to glare at a creepy maintenance guy who thought he'd catch a free show) to get in some laps. Even got tan lines from that!
I landed a job for the next little bit helping open a store and spent all day hauling and unpacking boxes.
I'm actually looking forward to the changes in my life that are kick starting this process again. I'm tired of starting over, so it's time to stop quitting. Regardless of how crazy things get. I've got to find the me time in all of it, and make it a priority. Good talk. Now go to bed!
There are rational explanations for all of this. I had a few back to back sewing projects to where I was working at least 18 hours a day. Because I was up longer, I was eating more and more carbs and starches to keep me up with sugar rushes. Then I also had a play I was working on...which means hanging out with actors (which I am as well). There was a saying I stumbled across in college that I thought summed things up well: The drinking department has a theatre problem. After weeks of being cooped up working all hours by myself I wanted nothing more than to get out and socialize. Which involves food. Which involves alcohol. At late hours that you have no chance of burning off all that you've consumed. Sleep became higher priority than working out. Then job searches became the priority. Then going out of town. You get the drift? Excuses, excuses, excuses.
Well, as I suspected, just a lifestyle change helped immensely. Going to bed and getting good, restful sleep. Cutting back on the fast food. Cutting out the sodas and back on the alcohol. Cutting out the entire extra meal I was eating most days. Working cardio back in. Three pounds in a week.
I managed to find a time at the pool the other day when there weren't a bunch of screaming children (although I did have to glare at a creepy maintenance guy who thought he'd catch a free show) to get in some laps. Even got tan lines from that!
I landed a job for the next little bit helping open a store and spent all day hauling and unpacking boxes.
I'm actually looking forward to the changes in my life that are kick starting this process again. I'm tired of starting over, so it's time to stop quitting. Regardless of how crazy things get. I've got to find the me time in all of it, and make it a priority. Good talk. Now go to bed!
Monday, June 18, 2012
Bad Voices
You know the ones I'm talking about. The ugly little voices in your head that tell you that you aren't capable of something. I beat one today. I woke up at 6:00 this morning and had a devil of a time falling back asleep. Consequently, when 8:00 rolled around I was less than enthusiastic to jump out of bed and rush to my Zumba class. Snooze button came and went a few times while that little voice kept telling me, "No. You shouldn't bother anyway. You're tired. You suck at the moves anyway. You already feel gross, so why add a layer or two of sweat to that? Just sleep in and you can do something else later." It worked until about 8:45. I was ten minutes late to class. But I went. And I sucked at the moves. And I was drenched in sweat by the time I was done. But I went. The goal for this week is to ignore that stupid damn voice. Cheers.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Backslider
And not the Toadies song unfortunately. I believe I can trace this backslide to one particular establishment: Panda Express. I discovered Panda Express by accident when I turned into the wrong drive thru. Someone pulled in behind me, and the rest is history. They aren't even that good. I always get the same thing, and it's so sub-par it's ridiculous, but I can't stop eating it! That is until yesterday when I realized that the Orange Chicken Bowl has over 900 calories in it. ZOINKS, SCOOB! Granted, I've never managed to polish off the whole thing, but yikes!
They have a kids option that is much more in line with what a normal adult meal should have caloriewise, so I guess I shall be ordering that the next time I get a craving.
I would love to be able to just go off the fast food altogether. Seems like it should be easy. But there's that whole timing issue again, and I am a disaster at time management.
Anyway, it's a rainy day in the big D and I have logged a mini workout yesterday and a cardio session with my Yoga Booty Ballet DVD this morning. That said, I forsee some Special K in my future and a shower before the power goes out again.
Stay dry, kids!
They have a kids option that is much more in line with what a normal adult meal should have caloriewise, so I guess I shall be ordering that the next time I get a craving.
I would love to be able to just go off the fast food altogether. Seems like it should be easy. But there's that whole timing issue again, and I am a disaster at time management.
Anyway, it's a rainy day in the big D and I have logged a mini workout yesterday and a cardio session with my Yoga Booty Ballet DVD this morning. That said, I forsee some Special K in my future and a shower before the power goes out again.
Stay dry, kids!
Friday, March 9, 2012
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