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I hate working out. I @$&#ing HATE working out. I don't feel an adrenaline rush. I don't feel a sense of accomplishment. 

I feel hopelessness. I feel like I'm never going to move past the status quo. In my size. In my flexibility. In what my body can do. 

Working out flat out pisses me off. It makes me so mad at myself that I let it get this far out of hand. I've coasted so long on, "well you really can't tell that I've gained weight," and now the flip side is in going to have to stick it out a verrrry long time before I see any significant changes.

 And feel like a miserable cow in the mean time. 

I ate pretty good today. Mostly fresh food that I prepared along side my shakeology. And it was the boringest (I know that's not a word) damn day. But it's going to take so many more. I didn't gain it all in one day. I can't lose it all in one either. 

My own brain is the biggest obstacle in my way. And I don't know how to exercise it for this purpose. 

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