Logic, Frustration, and How the Hell??

Weight loss is not an overnight thing. I understand that. However, I have zero patience with myself. So logic and frustration are ever at odds. It's been bad this week. I'm trying to do what I can within the limits of my financial and lifestyle situation, so progress is being made. I just can't always see it. I get that. I was told last week that I've got to stop being so mean to myself about it. But it's difficult to be kind to one's self when it my mind and expectations operate like an AP Calculus class and my body seems to be stuck in remedial basic math. I'm just very tired of being discouraged.

Now here's the rest of what I didn't put on Facebook. I've been trying my ass off given the fact that I've been working 9:00pm to 5:30 am or more since Monday. I'm helping remodel a store. An Ulta. So not a little guy. I've been carrying shelves made out of heavy glass or awkward and heavy plastic. I've been doing 8 hours of squating, lifting, pulling, pushing, twisting around, and on my feet. Monday I actually went to the gym for a Zumba class before heading in, so I got a little cardio in. I can't remember what my feet or thighs feel like when they don't hurt.

Now diet. I knew I would be taking lunch break in the middle of the night in Plano...which means that NOTHING is open. And I'm really, actively not wanting fast food at the moment, so I stocked up on those Healthy Choice frozen dinners. I know, I know, I know. Sodium. But they were the best I could do given circumstances. I've had maybe two stops at fast food places this week. I discovered the joys of unsweetened flavored tea. I'm especially obsessed with this Lipton Dragonfruit, Acai, Melon one. So I've been drinking it non-stop. Lots of water while I'm working. I have had a soda here and there, but not the three a day habit I used to have by any means.

And I'm back to 209. I was down to 204 on Sunday.. How in the sweet loving HELL did that happen?? My measurements are the biggest they've ever been. (Although to be honest. I haven't measured myself since June before it got really bad). I realize it's a bad week for water retention, but I can't even wrap my head around the fact that since Sunday I've gained 5 pounds.

And in other news my brother lost 22 pounds in a month. Super happy for him. But at the same time it makes me feel completely lacking and worthless in what I'm working at.

I don't get it. I am genuinely disheartened, disappointed, and confused by all of this. I'm about to just sit down and cry.