Ch-ch-changes

Another upheaval. Another new normal. I've left the job that was my main source of income. I've got less stress in one area now, and a whole lot more in another. My motivation for weight loss has tanked...pretty much along with my motivation for doing anything. Depression is a fun beastie, let me tell you. 

There are upsides though. I've discovered I actually like cooking. I like chopping veggies and prepping fresh ingredients. It's kind of therapeutic. 

I also have no appetite of late. My stress level is so high that absolutely nothing sounds good to eat. So I don't. I think I finally ate substantial at around 4:00 this afternoon. Even then, I didn't want it. I just knew my stomach needed something. My head has figured out I haven't been taking care of us the last few days, and is in migraine rebellion mode. Time for some essential oil and a dark, quiet room. 

I'm honestly not worried. It'll even out later. Two days from now I'll be ravenous, but I'll enjoy the pound or two I lose before I eat it back. 

The Salad Days

I'm trying desperately to be excited about salad. But it's eternally difficult. Especially now that I can't have feta for a while. I'm pretty pleased with today's experiment though! 

Spinach, cherry tomatoes, leftover plain quinoa, chopped cucumber, olive oil, garlic, and pine nuts. 

I'm on a mission not to let the produce I buy rot in the fridge, which I imagine will contribute to many "everything but the kitchen sink" recipes. At least this one's tasty. 

But I'm still going to pretend it's a burger and fries. 

Expletive Deleted

I hate working out. I @$&#ing HATE working out. I don't feel an adrenaline rush. I don't feel a sense of accomplishment. 

I feel hopelessness. I feel like I'm never going to move past the status quo. In my size. In my flexibility. In what my body can do. 

Working out flat out pisses me off. It makes me so mad at myself that I let it get this far out of hand. I've coasted so long on, "well you really can't tell that I've gained weight," and now the flip side is in going to have to stick it out a verrrry long time before I see any significant changes.

 And feel like a miserable cow in the mean time. 

I ate pretty good today. Mostly fresh food that I prepared along side my shakeology. And it was the boringest (I know that's not a word) damn day. But it's going to take so many more. I didn't gain it all in one day. I can't lose it all in one either. 

My own brain is the biggest obstacle in my way. And I don't know how to exercise it for this purpose. 

Expletive deleted.