This Is Why It's Hard

I got a Fitbit so I can go about this the nerdy way. It tells me how many calories I burn just by breathing all day. As long as I don't eat more than that, I will lose weight. I've had it for going on two weeks now. I'm on the "Kinda Hard" plan where I'm supposed to take in about 750 fewer calories than I burn for the day and lose 20 pounds by May. Seems easy enough. Except I have 44 calories left for today and I'm so hungry my tummy hurts. I could have spent a few of my calories more wisely, sure. I went grocery shopping today, so hopefully I'll make better decisions tomorrow. But today is where I'm struggling. This is where the ugly little voice in my head says, "Don't worry. You can eat whatever now, just do better tomorrow." It doesn't work if you keep saying you'll fix things tomorrow. I think I'm going to name this principle The Ice Cream Delusion. Cause that's usually what I want when that voice talks to me. It's so easy to just say, "Fuck it," and eat the ice cream because at least it makes me feel better now, instead of having to wait for it to feel better later. But I didn't. Because I have to fix it today. Not tomorrow.

New mantra, "Today. Not tomorrow."

Same Song Different Verse

Back at it again. Determined to make it work. Again. I feel like I finally have some sort of idea of how my life's schedule is going to be for a while, so that helps with trying to plan things around better decisions. I went to the gym today. My new year's resolution is not so much to lose a certain amount of weight or get down to a certain size. It's really more of I'm not going to let my gym membership be a $500 a year throw away that I use four times. I found the workout routine my brother made for me.

Today was chest. And it sucked. I walked around like an idiot trying to find the right machines for what was written down. Finally got everything done, and then was ten minutes into cardio when my sweet wonderful devil of a boyfriend texts me and asks if I want to go to Chuy's for lunch. Thus went the rest of my day.

I think I'm going to try the Fresh 20. I really do need someone to tell me what to buy and what to cook because that's just one place where I have no imagination. I can put cheese, meat, and bread together in about six different ways, but that gets old pretty quick. I like that they make your shopping list efficient for you. That way I don't buy a ton of something for one meal and then waste the rest because it goes bad before I can think of anything else to do with it.

Today was not good. But it's done, and I'm not going to beat myself up over it anymore. Tomorrow will be better.